Breaking Up is Hard to Do

This post is better if you have the music from the video on in the background.



We just lost our girlfriend governor. You know, the "hottest Governor in the country" that we've had this rocky relationship with. It started out pretty good. She stood up against Frank and said ethics was the most important thing in life. And we'd never had ethics before and we loved it.

But then John caught her eye, dangling before her much more than we had to give. She was flirting with states all over the country, humiliating us. But when they dumped her, we took her back. It was hard to see her with all those others, but damn it she was "hot!" and she was our governor, no one else's, even if she was so high maintenance.

But now she's made it official. She broke up with us on Friday. She doesn't like ethics with us any more. It seems it didn't just get boring, she's started to hate it. When she was in charge, she loved it. But now that we decided that we wanted to call the ethics shots, she's no longer into it.

And while she told us it was over and she was going to her secret hiding place, she must have her cell phone, because all these other guys are suddenly over at her place and they're as love struck as we once were. She's teasing them. Yesterday they each got to make out with her for ten minutes on the beach, and then she went on to the next guy.


Sorry, different metaphors keep trying out for the role of explaining Sarah Palin. Today, I've been taken over by the high school metaphor. Let's try a variation on this theme.

OK, I graduated high school before Palin was born and I'm sure things are different now. But when I was in high school, there were different cliques.

The soshes (from social) were the 'in' crowd. The beautiful people of high school, they defined what was cool and not. (Has 'cool' been in all this time, or did it go away for a while and come back?) Even among the soshes there were rival cliques. They had minor differences, but they all wore the right clothes, drove the right cars, hung out at the right places, and dated the right people. The cheerleaders (Title IX wasn't even an idea then) and the football players were the inner circle.

Then there were various others castes. The nerdy people were smart, but hopelessly dressed, socially inept, and a bunch of loners. Some soshes used the smarts from time to time for help with homework and exams (and helping them gave the nerds the illusion of temporary coolness), but the in crowd laughed at them behind their backs and sometimes, if necessary, would humiliate them in public.

And then there were others who simply didn't count at all. They weren't well dressed, they weren't cool, and they weren't even smart.

I can't help seeing Palin as one of the soshes. Popularity is the most important thing. The image has to be maintained - cool clothes, being with the right people, doing the cool things. Basically looking good. Going to class is a social event and homework is so boring. She'd been a sosh in Wasilla, but when she moved to Juneau, it was like changing schools and she had to work her way in.

She used some of the nerds to come up with AGIA. They realized she wasn't too smart, but she was beautiful. They loved it when she walked around with them, holding their hands, leaning up against them, as they walked past their usually untouchable rivals the oil team. The team had been busted for gambling with the legislature and were temporarily on probation.

But when John, that college guy, caught Palin's eye, all bets were off. She quickly tried to act college. But she was out of her league. But when they wanted her to be a pit bull - hell that was easy, it was her natural behavior and hiding behind a facade of nice was so tiring. Well, that relationship didn't work out, but a lot of other college guys started panting after this hot high school chick.

But for a while, she came back to finish high school. But it wasn't any fun any more. She even stopped going to class at the end of this last semester to hang out with some college guys. And those nerdy chicks with the blogs started getting brazen and telling people that she wasn't pretty without all that make up, and who was buying her clothes, and they put up posters all over school every time she dallied with another guy. Who are these bitches?! But no matter what she said, they wouldn't leave her alone.

And so now she's announced that in her sophomore year, she's dropping out. I don't need you guys, I'm bored with you. I don't need to do my homework, the college guys like me just the way I am.