We've already passed April 1, so I can't just put this up straight. Although it's far fetched, some of the people I've mentioned this story to said things like, "Oh, I didn't hear that yet." They just took it for real without blinking. An Irony icon (*I*) might get overlooked.
So I want you to consider this genre of literature: Legislative Fiction. Like science fiction, which imagines a world changed by future developments in science and technology, legislative fiction imagines a world in which the wildest desires of some legislators are fulfilled. In this case, I'm pushing to the limits conservative desires to privatize government functions that they think could be done as well by the private sector, their concern about radical left-wing faculty brainwashing their students, and their desire to reward private sector supporters and funders.
So here's my short story.
Alaska's Majority coalition legislators have announced they are working to sell the University of Alaska Anchorage to Charter College. The deal is being handled by developer Mark Pfeffer, whose commission should more than make up for any losses at the LIO. In the tradition of the Alaska Republican majority, not only do they propose to sell the campus, they are giving Charter College a $500 million zero interest loan, so Charter can afford to make the purchase. The sale will also effectively cancel all union contracts, pension obligations, and health benefits.
Reporters noted Charter College's questionable record*, according to College Factual:
Among the Worst Graduation RatesSenator D, said he thought they could also achieve those levels with the University.
Only 23.6% of students graduate from Charter College - Anchorage on-time (two or four years depending on the degree) and only 25.4% graduate at all, ranking this school among the worst in the country in both categories.
Graduating From College Isn't for Everyone.
The Majority of Non-Grads at this School Dropped Out. 74.6% of students at Charter College - Anchorage failed to graduate within 150% of the expected time. The majority did so because they dropped out.
*This part, unfortunately, isn't fiction.