Wednesday, January 31, 2018

For Those Suffering From Presidential Abuse - There's Help

This guidance for women in abusive relationships seems appropriate for Republican members of Congress and others suffering from presidential abuse.   The quotes are from
"Getting out of an abusive or violent relationship isn’t easy. Maybe you’re still hoping that things will change or you’re afraid of what your partner will do if he discovers you’re trying to leave. Whatever your reasons, you probably feel trapped and helpless. But help is available. There are many resources available for abused and battered women [Republicans], including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, and childcare. You deserve to live free of fear. Start by reaching out."
Comment:  obviously it's time to set up those hotlines and job training programs for Republican members of Congress.   I'd also propose a fund to build a statue to honor the first ten Republican Senators and the first 25 Republican House members who defect.  That's all it would take to switch the Senate and House to deal with Trump.  But just the first brave ones.  Once the tipping point is reached, it's no longer a brave act.

"Making the decision to leave
As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind:
If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change... The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.
If you believe you can help your abuser... It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you’re the only one who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you’re perpetuating the problem.
If your partner has promised to stop the abuse... When facing consequences, abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to stay in control and keep you from leaving. But most of the time, they quickly return to their abusive behavior once they’ve been forgiven and they’re no longer worried that you’ll leave.
If your partner is in counseling or a program for batterers... Even if your partner is in counseling, there is no guarantee that he’ll change. Many abusers who go through counseling continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling. If your partner has stopped minimizing the problem or making excuses, that’s a good sign. But you still need to make your decision based on who he is now, not the man you hope he will become.
If you’re worried about what will happen if you leave... You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But don’t let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.
Comment:  There's so much for Republicans to absorb in this.
Republicans:  read this carefully:  He's not going to change.  You can't help him change.  You can't believe his promises.  He fires the advisors when they cross him.  He won't go to counseling.

"Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:
He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was. [√]
He continues to blame others for his behavior. [√√√√]
He claims that you’re the one who is abusive. [√]
He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling. [Ha!]
He tells you that you owe him another chance. [Hasn't admitted doing anything wrong]
You have to push him to stay in treatment. [not applicable]
He says that he can’t change unless you stay with him and support him. [sorta]
He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends. [√]
He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.[He expects something from you in exchange for nothing.]
He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship."[√]
We're all involved and victimized by this drama in the White House.  But Republicans in the House and Senate seem to be the ones most in denial.  As I said above,  if just ten red Senators (fewer really)  and 25 red Representatives stand up to their abuser, we can all be rid of him.

For those who are Democrats or otherwise watching this with alarm, I recommended a way last year how to get enough Republicans to defect in the House and Senate.  I suggested setting up a statue fund that would honor the first  ten Republican senators and first 25 Republican house members for defecting from their party's support of Trump.  This can include safe houses and counseling and all the other things the HelpGuide site recommends for victims of domestic violence.  [Unfortunately, I can't remember enough about what I wrote to be able to find the post, but you get the drift.]

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