"Romney retroactively cancels visit to London" and other tweets about the Republican Candidate

I don't have a Twitter account, but I saw at Immoral Minority that Mitt Romney had done so badly on his first day in London that someone started a new Twitter RomneyShambles hash tag.  Here are just a few of the tweets about England's response to Mitt.

  Danielle Blake ‏@DCPlod

Mitt Romney retroactively cancels visit to London. #RomneyShambles

  Jon Berry ‏@jonberrydesign

"The trip was meant to make him look presidential... it made him look like Mr. Bean." http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jul/26/mitt-romney-london-olympics-gaffe-live?newsfeed=true #London2012 #Romneyshambles

  The Daily Edge ‏@TheDailyEdge

You can tell @MittRomney's doing badly when he starts getting booed by rich white people #RomneyShambles #AmericanBorat

  Matt Ortega ‏@MattOrtega

Mitt Romney is now, officially, an international embarrassment. Our policy of containment has failed. #RomneyShambles

VANITY FAIR ‏@VanityFair

Romney couldn't possibly offend England right before the #Olympics. Oh, he did http://vnty.fr/N5XbUx #RomneyShambles

Barracks O'Bama ‏@P0TUS

RT @brx0: Next up: Driving around London with the queen's corgis on the roof. #RomneyShambles

  Adam Gabbatt ‏@AdamGabbatt

I've rounded up Romney's gaffes, all in one place. It's been quite a day http://bit.ly/N0bCuj #romneyshambles

  P M ‏@Pawelmorski

Americans: This Mitt person is some sort of American Borat, right? #romneyshambles

  Eileen Sarett-Cuasay ‏@leenie909

Dear Great Britain: Yeah. We know. Sorry. Welcome to our world. --Signed, America.

This is not my usual style of post, but then you don't want me to be predictable do you?

[UPDATE July 27:  While Romneyshambles might be cute for Americans, it appears for people in the UK it has a special ring.  The term omnishambles is already in use in the UK.  The R gives an already good word even more spin.  From an article called "The Omnishambles and the Power of Political Language" in the Daily Telegraph:

"Omnishambles is a hybrid too, and the words “shambles” has come to mean simply a mess or muddle, and has more or less lost its more vivid meaning of a fleshmarket, slaughterhouse, or place of carnage. But omnishambles is OK. It says neatly what most of us think of most governments. The only wonder is that Ed Miliband dares to use it, thus inviting the suggestion that he should look in the mirror."   (There's more at the link.)]

Blog Contest: How many dandelions are in the bag?

 Be the first to get the right answer and win a prize.  Details below.

This contest arose when I saw the yellow flowers in the lawn.  Pick them now, this voice said, or they will multiply beyond counting.  OK, I’ll pick 200 today and maybe get my wife to do another 200 and keep that pace until they are gone.  [I know, purists dig the whole plant out of the ground, including the long deep roots.  That’s just not going to happen.  I can do the minimum which is stop the seeds from forming and blowing all over.]

So I got a bag and started picking and counting.  I stopped at one point and took the picture below just to have a record of what I’d done - besides the bag. 


   

As I counted toward my 200, my mind wandered to the recent election and the problem of counting the ballots.  Would readers challenge my count?  How could I prove how many dandelions were in the bag?  And I found myself picking not just yellow dandelions, but also dandelion buds that hadn’t opened yet, and dandelion flowers that had finished, but not yet turned to seedballs.  Do all three all count?  In the ultmate number in the bag? 

If someone challenged me, could we do a recount?  Maybe I should build a dandelion counting machine.  I could put them in the machine to verify the handcount. 

Was it necessary to count at all?  Couldn’t I use the picture of a patch of dandelions and see how many dandelions were in six square feet of lawn?  We could, but not every six square foot patch had the same number of dandelions. 

How important is it to be exact?  Well, if I have a contest and four people were within five or six dandelions from the exact number, surely they would want to be sure that the person who was the closest won.  Unless, of course, they were close but not the closest.  Then a miscount might make them the winner.

In the recent election, assuming that no voting machines were hijacked, the margins of victory were high enough that miscounting by three or four, even 20 votes, wouldn’t have mattered.  It was close enough to know who won.  But what happens when the elections are closer?  Where three votes off would change the winner? 

And because we have machines, we need to do hand counts regularly because that seems to be the only way to be assured that none of the machines were hijacked.  I tend to think this didn’t happen in this election, but I also have no patience with people who dismiss this possibility completely.  It’s more than a theoretical possibility.  It’s happened in other locations using the same machines.  If you haven’t watched the film Hacking Democracy, (it's free online at the link) I think you have no standing to dispute me on this.  If you have watched it, and still think it’s impossible or even unlikely, then tell me why.  People are spending billions of dollars to get their favored candidates elected.  Why wouldn’t they be likely to try to tamper with the cards in the voting machines? 



CONTEST DETAILS

OK, back to the important things.  How many dandelions are in the bag? 

How to participate:
1.  Post your answers in the comment section.  You can post anonymously if you like, but you need to sign a name (any name you like) and city (real city) in the comments.
2.  Email me to let me know that you made a comment, the number of dandelions, the name you used, and the city. 

Deadline:  Thursday, May 31, 2012 5pm Alaska Daylight Savings Time.

Prize: 
For people near Anchorage - I'll take you to dinner at the Thai Kitchen.  (People in the Seattle or LA areas, we can possibly work a dinner somewhere in late June.)
For others:  I’ll make and send you five hand made greeting cards using images you choose from this blog. (I have most, but not all, in high enough resolution to do this.)

Verification/Security:  
Although this contest has relatively minor consequences, it seems important, even here, to have reasonable security measures, so that you can be assured the contest is not rigged in any way.  Therefore, I have emailed the actual number to an Anchorage expert on plant biology.   I won't name her now so people do not pester her for the number (which she wouldn't give anyway.) 


Additional notes:
1.  I went well beyond 200.
2.  There will be no recount of the dandelions, but you can have the bag of dandelions if you pick it up or pay for shipping.

Raven Clan's Gramma Susie Makes For Non-Stop Laughter

Gramma Susie with 'grandson' Caleb

I wanted to put some catchy line in the title, but it was the performance of Sharon Shorty as Gramma Susie, not just the words, that had the audience laughing so hard last night at the Alaska Native Heritage Center.

Her act was part of an eight day "alerNative Theatre Festival."

There was a second, one actor play - Tales of an Urban Indian - by Darrell Dennis which tapped into an edgier humor to bring underlying issues in Gramma Susie right up to the surface.  I'll put up video of Darrell Dennis in the next post.   In this post, I offer you some video from Gramma Susie.

Sharon Shorty after performance

As I edited the video, I laughed over and over again each time I saw the clips. It's not so much the jokes, but how she tells them. True genius. And she's been winning awards for her performances even though they don't quite fit into most standard categories.

"Sharon Shorty has been voted one of the TOP 10 YUKONERS to meet (Up Here Magazine, 1999) and is from the Tlingit, Northern Tutchone and Norwegian People. Sharon is from the Raven Clan and was raised with the storytelling tradition of her southern Yukon community." 

Sharon is also an award winning actor (Aurora Award, 1997) and Storyteller (Aurora Award, 1998). She has received the Ross Charles Award (1999), the CTV Fellowship (1999) and The Yukon Filmmaker's Fund Award (1999). And more importantly, Sharon is an award-winning Bannock-Maker! (New Yukon Indian Days, 2003)  She was also recently named "Best Comedian" and "Best way to dress as an Elder"." 

She also performed at the Vancouver Winter Olympics.  Find out more at her website.

I edited the video a bit out of order so you could hear her dead-on raven call first (and last.)  She's from the raven clan and when she introduces herself, she gives her lineage in English and Tlingit.  There's a hint of the humor already, but it really starts after honoring her heritage.  If you can use a smile, just watch the video. All of it.

  


By the way, I asked Sharon after the performance if I could post the video and she generously consented.  And also said to credit 'grandson' Caleb who plays the drum in one clip.  (He gave permission too.)

Alaska Governor Should Borrow Bradley Manning to Help Release Palin Emails

The ADN reported Wednesday that Governor Sean Parnell's office was given more time  to release the rest of the Sarah Palin emails that have been sought in various freedom of information requests. 

An extension, until at least Feb. 20, was requested by Randy Ruaro, deputy chief of staff to Gov. Sean Parnell, in October. Ruaro maintained that without an extension, responding to requests for the emails would "substantially impair" the other functions of the governor's office, as well as the ability to properly and thoroughly review the messages.

It's taking quite a while.  Palin left office in July 2009 and it's already 2012 now.  Meanwhile Bradly Manning is sitting in prison for releasing a large number of government documents to Wikileaks.  He knows how to do this and I'm sure he's got some spare time. 

Perhaps the Governor's office could show some initiative and a little uncharacteristic cooperation with the Feds by working out a deal to let Manning help his office get the Palin emails out.  
  

Read more here: http://www.adn.com/2012/01/04/2245579/state-gets-more-time-to-release.html#storylink=cpy

Business Week Calls Anchorage America's Tenth Best City - But Don't You Believe It!

How could they do that?  I bet it's a hoax.

I've been working hard all these years to keep people out of Anchorage.  Whenever I travel and people ask me about living in Alaska, I tell them what they want to hear:  It's very dark.  It's very cold.  The snow and ice are brutal.  The constant drip of the melting ice from our igloo's ceiling is awful.  Keeping the sled dogs fed is a never ending and nasty task, and no matter how much you feed them, they still  bark all night (which is six months.)  And the prices!  Three times what you pay for lettuce or milk, but ours is wilted and sour.

I acknowledge that there is something that we call summer, but remind people that our house and yard is under a huge chain link fence cage to keep out the killer mosquitoes for those couple of days when the temperature gets above freezing.

And now Business Week goes and lists Anchorage as America's Tenth Best City.  Don't believe it.  We all have cabin fever and you never know who's going to start shooting people instead of road signs.  And there are bears and wolves in those areas not ruined by oil spills.  If you're looking for a great place to live, try Seattle, try Portland.  Las Vegas has really low housing prices right now.  So does Florida.  Consider Baghdad.  Fresno.  Even Sarah fled to Arizona when she had the chance. 

I don't know which Chamber of Commerce type paid Business Week to rank Anchorage so high (or at all) but, trust me, strings were pulled, hard. 

But I have an option if your friends tease you about not ever having cruised to Alaska and those state paid ads encouraging you to visit are making you feel unhip.  I've started a project to allow you to 'visit' Alaska without leaving home.

My program lets you send us the cost of your cruise and land tours plus $300 a day for shopping without having to really come here. An added benefit is knowing that the money stays in Alaska instead of all going to Outside businesses that exploit us like a colony.  And you don't have to suffer a trip to Alaska.  You can spend the time incognito at a spa in Palm Springs while your friends think you're cruising Alaska.

We'll send post cards from Alaska to all your friends, and for a slight extra charge, we can even superimpose your parka'd image onto videos of glaciers, on dog sleds, fighting off giant mosquitoes, snagged in fishing line, swimming with breaching whales, panning for gold.  

So, remember the adage not to read everything you believe.  And don't even think about moving to Alaska, America's Best City to Avoid.

Cain and Lin in 2012

OK, in 2008 the Republicans nominated McCain and Palin.

So, as Herman Cain is stepping into the Republican primary spotlight, does this mean the Republicans think the last candidate's name was good, but a bit too long?

If they nominate Cain, should they also nominate a vice president that reduces the 2008 candidate's name by the first two letters? Someone named Lin?

This could lead to some interesting possibilities.  Let me offer some prospects.

The only Governor Lin (since Palin was a governor at the time, let's start there) I could find is Governor Junq-tzer Lin of Taiwan. This, at first, seems like insurmountable odds, but given that so many Republicans think that Obama is a Kenyan citizen, I really don't see the problem. They can tell their followers his Taiwan birth certificate is a fake and he was really born in San Francisco. Or better yet, that Taiwan is the 51st US state. That, of course, won't go down well with China. But they could show this is the chance for the US and China to reach unprecedented cooperation. I'm sure the people who come up with all the Republican talking points can work this out.

It's hard to find American politicians with the last name of Lin. So we should consider others, who, like Cain himself, is not a politician.

There's Sherry Lin, an investor.  She should fit right in.  She could pull in the female and Asian vote.  Though she has degrees from Columbia and Northwestern which may pose a problem for anti-elitists. 


 Maya Lin, also could appeal the female and Asian vote.  The sculptor who designed the Vietnam Veterans' Memorial offers name recognition that Sherry Lin doesn't have.  And she was born in Ohio, an important state in the next election.  An artist as VP doesn't sound too Republican. Maybe she can be in charge of a jobs program that would build long monuments to freedom, perhaps a modern version of the Statue of Liberty, along the Mexican and Canadian borders. 

True 'Lins' are hard to come by in the US, so what about settling for a spelling variation, like Lynn?

There's Alaska's Republican State Rep. Bob Lynn.  That allows the Republicans to try again with an Alaskan VP candidate, gives them a proud veteran of the Air Force, a blogger, and a musician who played the alto sax six times in the Rose Bowl Parade as a member of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Boys Band. Lots of pluses here.

Kansas' State Senator Julia Lynn has blond hair, is a Republican, and supported  a conference report that prohibits any individual or group health insurance policy from covering elective abortions, which I'm sure helped her get her 100 rating from the Americans for Prosperity - Kansas Chapter.

Wait, here's a perfect one:  Former Tennessee Representative Susan Lynn.  She now works for ALEC - the Koch brothers supported group that writes model legislation for state representatives who want to dismantle government.  And she's a civil libertarian - she sponsored legislation that  

"would prevent Tennesseans from being coerced or required by either the private sector or the government to have an RFID chip inserted into their body. Similar legislation passed the Georgia Senate last week, it is being voted upon in Virginia and it has already passed in several other states."

Republicans might like the state being restricted there, but it seems an unfair intrusion into the rights of businesses to do whatever they want.  But an earlier quote Lynn made cited by Tennessee reporter Jeff Woods clears this up.  There's a reason for her passion here:

As the bill's sponsor, Rep. Susan Lynn, explained to Pith when her proposal first came up a couple of years ago, "In the Christian religion, and I'm a Christian, in the book of Revelation, there was a reference to, you know, the Mark of the Beast. Some people interpret that to be one of these microchips." Lynn concedes "it's hard to say" whether microchips are actually Satan's stamp. "Other people think it could be some type of tattoo," she explains.

Straying a bit further, they may want to allow someone with the first name of Lynn. I offer:

 Gov. Lynn Frazier of North Dakota. The biggest negative here is that he's been dead since 1947, but if you believe that, you probably believe that global warming is real and caused by humans. Another possible negative is that he founded the Bank of North Dakota, the only state run bank. Did I mention that he was the first US governor to be recalled? And he wasn't really a Republican, but ran in their primary as a Non-Partisan League candidate, whatever that means. Maybe that could be used as a cover to show the Republicans want want to work across party lines like they are trying to do with Obama, but he just blocks all their proposals. And Lynn (Frazier) was elected to the US Senate after he was recalled. Given the popularity of zombies, today, I think there's real possibility here.


And a first name that actually preserves the Lin spelling:

Gov. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island.  This may be a stretch.  I don't even know if anyone calls him Lin.  But an advantage is that he's only been governor since January 2011, which would mean he'd have about as much experience as governor as Palin had when she was nominated.


As you can see, the possibilities here for the Republicans are endless.  Cain and Lin in 2012

Adapting Old Traditions to New Times - Dipping the Apple in the Honey

Tonight is the eve of Rosh Hashana, the beginning of the Jewish new year.  Services begin tonight at sundown, then continue tomorrow, and Friday.  Rosh Hashana is the holiday, along with Yom Kippur, ten days later, that even Jews who rarely attend synagogue observe.

One of the traditional customs of Rosh Hashana is to dip pieces of apple into honey as a symbol of a sweet new year.  From the Baltimore Jewish Times:

The most popular [tradition] is, of course, dipping apples in honey. Here’s the story behind this delicious activity:

The honey is all about sweetness, of course.

The apple was selected because of its abundance throughout the ancient land of Israel. The Torah, the Talmud, rabbinic and kabbalistic literature all mention—and praise—the apple, an honor accorded no other fruit.

When the apple is dipped in the honey, this pronouncement is recited:

“May it be Thy will O Lord, our God and God of our fathers, to renew unto us a good and sweet year.”

Of course, this being about Jewish customs, everyone will give you a different interpretation of the origin of the custom.

But this year, thanks to Deb's post on Facebook, I have learned about a slight adaptation of this custom.  Even if you are not Jewish, you should watch this video.

Do Web Servers Have Feelings? Apparently This One Does

You'll just have to trust me here.  For maybe 30 seconds of your time, you get a smile to start the day.  This is not your everyday error message.

Click here.

Mr. Doob's Google Gravity

I have no idea what this is about, but someone got to this blog from here.

http://mrdoob.com/projects/chromeexperiments/google_gravity/


Go ahead, click on it.  It'll just take a few seconds.  Then, move your cursor.

[UPDATE:  Also check out posts on Weenie Google, Epic Google,  and the Revolving Internet. ]

[UPDATE 9/13:  Here's a post I've now done on "Who Is Mr. Doob?"  An amazing, creative guy.]

Palin's Internet Provider?

Is it true this clothing store is in the internet business too?

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

This came in an email from faraway friend whose first language is not English. He sent it to me because of the Alaskan reference. As a practicing punster (I try to suppress it here,) I'm impressed by the elegance of the puns on this list. They aren't groaners where one has to twist one's ears to make the sounds match, and one's face contracts around the nose at the flatness of the humor.  Well, you may not agree.  And some (maybe all) are not new.  These match words with unexpectedly similar sounds or double meanings with some cleverness. Here are some of the ones he sent:

1. A will is a dead giveaway.
2. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a mango.
3. A backward poet writes inverse.
4. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
5. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
6. A calendar's days are numbered.
7. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
8. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
9. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
10. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
11. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
12. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
13. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
14. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
15. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

I tried to whittle the list to ten, but figured different ones would tickle different people, so I'm hoping some of you will tell me know your favorites (or least favorites) in the comments. 

You could even use the judging scale used at the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championship  held this past weekend in Austin, Texas.

You will be given a set of cards numbered one through ten.  A "ONE" should be used only for a complete flop (or an obvious non-pun) and a "TEN" should be reserved for a performance better than you ever expected.  (The audience response is helpful here too!)  The most important thing here is that your judging style remains consistant throughout the event. By expanding our panel to 6 judges we are attempting to level the field some. The highest and lowest score from each vote is discounted which leaves each contestant with a possible high score of only 40.  

There were different contests including punniest of show. Some of the rules for that included:

2. PUNNIEST OF SHOW: Each entered contestant will be allowed to present a pun on stage. Puns may be presented in any format (e.g., visual, musical, stand-up routine, etc.), and will be scored on a scale of one (1) to ten (10) by a panel of judges. A contestant's score will be determined by adding the judges' scores together. If a judge displays a score higher than 10 or lower than 1, that score will be lowered or raised to the nearest allowable score (i.e., an 11 becomes a 10, a 0 becomes a 1, etc.). Contestants will be judged on content, originality, and general effect of the presentation, including judges' interpretation of audience response. Contestants may use notes or scripts, but should keep in mind that the judges may take this into consideration when determining their score.  (if you want to know the rest of the rules and the other puntests click here.)

The 1995 winner, John Pollack, on NPR last week talking about his new book, Just for Pun said:

"The power of a pun comes from two things," he says. "One is its ambiguity, and second is: that it enables you to pack more meaning, or more layers of meaning, into fewer words. And so if you're trying to convey complex ideas, puns can be really powerful tools to do that."

I agree.  I don't think they are the lowest form of humor as some say.  It's just that there are some really bad punsters who bring puns down so low.  I also think that good punsters are just wired to hear literally - thus hearing the two or meanings of a single (or very similar) sound(s). 

"Does you hotel have any vasectomies next week?" Auto-correct Laughs

Laugh break time.  Someone sent me these two links.  I'd never seen this site.  For some reason these hit my funny bone hard.  Here's a screen shot of one of these phone text messages that auto-correct corrupted:

This was from either the ten best of December or  fifteen best of January from a site called "Damn You Auto-correct."

OK, I know they aren't that funny on their own, but imagining the two people in the conversation working through these messages  - I did have to laugh pretty hard.  Thanks L.

This reminds me that I was able to use spell check to save myself from embarrassing typos.  Since I used to write the words 'public administration' a lot, I realized that if I removed 'pubic' from my spell check, then it would get caught if I accidentally left the 'l' out. 

More Interesting Google Searches

It used to be that sitemeter would take me to the google page the searcher found and I could see the hits and the other sites the searcher found as well. It also hightlighted the words in each post that were in the search terms. But now I just get sent to the page - or photo if it's an image search - they found. So I have less information about why or how they got here.

But here are some search terms - mostly google - that got people here, my thoughts, and where google delivered them. 

we seen a pigeon egg on the floor what should wed do? - This Manchester searcher got to post on pigeon eggs in a nest in Juneau that had been blocked off, but probably didn't answer the question. Clearly though, one pigeon egg is too small for an omelet.

moral mushrooms - Got them to an archived post on mushrooms, but I'm not sure how moral any of them were. And there wasn't even a morel among them.


colorado house eating tiny insects - OK, so does this mean a Colorado house that is eating tiny insects? Or a house-eating tiny insects? I just got it. Termites. In any case, he got to my post on fruit flies or fungus gnats.

boat powered by a chainsaw The Slovakian searcher got to a post on the Anchorage Weekend Market which included a picture of chainsaw art. But I think using a chain saw to power a boat is much more creative.  (A Canadian has a YouTube up of this 4 foot R/C motor boat powered by a chain saw if you really need to see one, but don't go here unless you're really, really interested.)


how compatible are 5 jan 1982 and 19 nov 1990 born - Eight years apart. Not too bad. But this Australian inquiry didn't get the answer on my post on people born in 1910.


bill allen alaska democrat - Maybe this is totally innocent, but I can't help conjuring up an image of Southern Conservatives (this came from Rocky Mount, North Carolina) turning Allen into a Democrat to show how depraved we are. There's nothing in my post about the sex charges against Allen being dropped that mentions either Republicans or Democrats. The ADN story the post links to does say,

"And he and other officials of Veco Corp. were some the most important sources of campaign contributions for the Alaska Republican Party and its candidates."

But the searcher didn't use the link to read the original.

ufo files denali state park 2009 - I didn't know Denali State Park was a UFO hotspot.  My pictures were from June this year so it never got dark.  But why shouldn't UFO's come by in the day too?  I should have been looking up instead of down at the flowers.  In any case, Google got the searcher to an archive page that came up blank when I searched it for "denali'.


what is jury meandering - Is this where the jury gets bored and they start wandering around the courtroom? This got to a post titled 'meandering' but nothing with a jury in it. Was this supposed to be jury tampering?  Jerrymandering?

art of cloud scavenging women - This Norwegian searcher got to this picture of a lost cloud poster.

unnoticeable earth quack -There's a lot of these characters walking around, but you can't tell since many look like honest citizens.  Anyway, this person got to a post on a noticeable earthquake in Anchorage.

what do americans call rapeseed oil - Got to a post titled, can you guess? What Do Americans Call Rapeseed? This ones from Prescot, Lancashire, UK.  Sometimes people get a bulls eye.

what do americans call sex - another Brit got to the same place.

headline sept 2008 bailout -got this image from Sept. 2008.

is the family doomed - Someone in Cambridge, MA wanted to know and got to my affirmative post - The Family is Doomed.

 


in idaho about how many people know what a blog is - The only logical conclusion they can come to from the post they got is: none. This was called Does Idaho Exist - Why Everyone Should Study Philosophy? And the answer was no.


 


on 12th near commercial drive vancouver tree with red leaves and white seeds flowers in fall - Wow, someone is googling to find out about a specific tree in downtown Vancouver. And the person got this picture, which looks like red leaves, but I think it was a flower from tree at Wat Pa Dara Phirom north of Chiang Mai.  The picture, in this case, has three of the words in the search terms - red tree flower. And they probably caught Vancouver from one of the archived titles.





wrapping japanese - I knew immediately what post they got to - one on Japanese cloth gift wrapping techniques.  And I assume that is what they were looking for.  But the image of someone wrapping up a Japanese man did flash through my head.  And then I saw on stage a group of Japanese rappers.  I'll assume they found what they were looking for.

i was born in alaska can i get the permanent fund money - This googler from a computer in O'Fallon, Illinois wants in on Alaska's oil money.  Being born here isn't enough.  You have to live here.  Mostly.  She got to a post about filing for an application.

opera house in oslo frozen ice -  OK, so googling is something you do in the privacy of your own computer and you don't have to be perfect.  But 'frozen ice'?  As opposed to the unfrozen kind?  Let's give the person a break.  It was from Oakland, California where they never see ice outside the freezer.  The person got to my post on the Norwegian Carl Nesjar's ice sculpture in Anchorage.  (I better check and see if I wrote 'frozen ice.' Whew! I didn't.)


killer bugs a power stamp nasty thorms and im using them - This came from a computer in Tel Aviv.  I'm sure it made sense to the searcher.  He got to a post that did have some nasty thorns, but I'm not sure about the rest of what he was looking for.
  
if u were born in 1909 in diead in 1920 how long ago was that - This one leaves me pretty much speechless.  But Google got this person to a post about people asking how old they would be if they had been born in 1909.

what is alaska's daylight in years -  I don't think this is like "what is Alaska's size in square miles."  Maybe someone else can deconstruct what this person wanted to know.  This surfer got to a page on Alaska's failed bill to end daylight savings time.  Another hint from sitemeter - the location is listed as City:  APO  State:  Armed Forces Pacific.  Maybe it's a soldier who was just assigned to Alaska, or considering Alaska, as a next posting.
  
caution paradigm invisible  - This is just an interesting thought.  I'd like to talk to this searcher to see what the person was thinking.  The result may or may not have been helpful:
Who Cut Off That Invisible Hand: Paradigm Outsiders Needed in Financial Crisis

sex drive shoe tree - some search terms exhaust even my fairly flexible imagination. Google directed this person to an archive page of posts in August 2008. There are three instances of the word drive. There's a 'shoe tree', but no sex.

Getting Your Blackberry Repaired

I don't use too many videos from other sources, but while I sort through my photos for the last couple of days, let me post this bit of chuckle a friend sent me:

Clutter Wars - Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people . . .

I can see why I kept this, but it's time to put it in the recycle bin.  But I can put it up here to show you why decluttering takes so long.  This printout is dated 12/17/2004 4:51pm.  I don't even know the person who sent it or how I got it.  

Looking this up I found that it is posted all over the internet.  Twilight Cafe includes another contest which asked readers to change an existing word by one letter and give a definition.  These may be even better.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

WTF Explained in One Sentence - Post Election Stress Reduction

A site called "One Sentence" has stories told . . . yeah you're way ahead of me . . . in one sentence.  It's a good break after the election.  Here are two examples from their most popular page. 

What are the odds?

I knew God had a sense of humor when I hesitantly answered the ringing K-Mart payphone, only to hear my best friend, who had misdialed my home phone number, on the other end.

tags: coincidence telephone humor friends God random [add]

2008-06-10 10:39:09 / Rating: 4189.25 /

Reno Reading

My 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that "WTF" means "Wow, That's Funny" and has been using it all over the internet.

tags: sister mistake humor children WTF [add]

2008-10-23 13:39:41 / Rating: 3290.75 /

 To see more go One Sentence. 

Frozen Grin's Miller Time

The genius of a good cartoonist is to encapsulate what's happening with a simple picture and a few words. 

Peter Dunlap-Shohl at Frozen Grin manages to portray

Joe Miller's week 

in far fewer words than I could.  Check it out at the link.  (For a cartoonist, the cartoon is the whole post, so it doesn't seem fair for me to post it here.  Besides, I didn't ask permission.  So, you should go there to see it.)

Bill Clinton to Liberal Politicians: It Gets Better

Former President Bill Clinton announced yesterday the establishment of a new website for liberal politicians.

Pointing to the rallies of angry people that are attacking liberal politicians for being educated, for being deliberate, for using data; to blatantly false ads by anonymous third party groups; and to television and radio talk-thugs who smear liberals with ridiculous lies in an attempt to destroy their careers, Clinton said he felt it was necessary to make this video to let liberal politicians know,

"It gets better.  The bullying begins with those first signs of liberalism.  Maybe you decide to become a vegetarian or you start a recycling program or bike to work.  It starts in earnest if you run for office.  Even if you call yourself a moderate instead of a progressive instead of a liberal, they can detect your liberalism.  For example,  if you oppose abortion but not for rape victims. It ratchets up if you get elected. If you run for reelection, it can become debilitating.  But you shouldn't give up.  I want you to know, that after you've been out of office a couple of years, things change.  You will be seen as a sage who had it right all along.  Trust me, I know, it gets better."

Dan Savage, when asked to comment on this, speculated that as bullies grow up the gays they picked on in high school move away and get a whole life.  So as adults, those bullies look for new victims. In the post-rational world, liberal politicians have proven easy targets.

Watch for additional videos from Jimmy Carter and Al Gore soon.

:)

Do You Think You're Being Pissed On?

Perception makes all the difference. 

Some people think the Obama administration is pissing on them. 

Others think Obama is spraying them with cool water on a hot day. 

We jump to conclusions based on our past experiences and expectations as this video so humorously demonstrates. 




Thanks to Archi's blog where I found this after he commented here. We all need a good laugh every day.

Fiction Even Stranger than Fact

Every once in a while my mind spins out totally absurd scenarios.  I assure you this is complete fabrication, but just for fun, imagine. . .

Afghan Mineral Wealth Part of DOD Afghanistan Exit Strategy

So, you've heard about the trillion dollar mineral discoveries in Afghanistan.  I'm guessing this is really a desperate plot to get out of Afghanistan without the Taliban taking over.   The US is hoping that they can broker some sort of face saving deal to pull out of Afghanistan.  Then,  even though the Russians left Afghanistan with their tail between their legs the US is hoping all that mineral wealth will lure the Russians back and they'll have to fight the Taliban.  This time though, the US won't be arming their enemy. 

Sarah Palin to Become BP Spokesperson in US

By now you've all heard that Sarah is headed for the UK and is even setting up a photo opportunity with Margaret Thatcher.  But the real story is that she's been negotiating with BP to become their North American spokesperson.  She's going to work it all out.  You thought she made money with the book and tv deals; this one will make all that sound like peanuts.  But we'll never get the details.  Before long, the little people will be back shouting Drill Baby Drill.


Thinking about Palin getting a photo with Margaret Thatcher, who's been suffering from dementia since 2003 - her daughter said, in 2008,

The death of Sir Denis Thatcher in 2003 was “truly awful” since she “kept forgetting he was dead”

made me think of our kids getting their pictures taken with the stuffed moose that used to be in Tok.



OK, for those of you who come here for more sober posts, I'm blaming it on the spectacular solstice we had yesterday.  It went straight to my head.