Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Business Week Calls Anchorage America's Tenth Best City - But Don't You Believe It!

How could they do that?  I bet it's a hoax.

I've been working hard all these years to keep people out of Anchorage.  Whenever I travel and people ask me about living in Alaska, I tell them what they want to hear:  It's very dark.  It's very cold.  The snow and ice are brutal.  The constant drip of the melting ice from our igloo's ceiling is awful.  Keeping the sled dogs fed is a never ending and nasty task, and no matter how much you feed them, they still  bark all night (which is six months.)  And the prices!  Three times what you pay for lettuce or milk, but ours is wilted and sour.

I acknowledge that there is something that we call summer, but remind people that our house and yard is under a huge chain link fence cage to keep out the killer mosquitoes for those couple of days when the temperature gets above freezing.

And now Business Week goes and lists Anchorage as America's Tenth Best City.  Don't believe it.  We all have cabin fever and you never know who's going to start shooting people instead of road signs.  And there are bears and wolves in those areas not ruined by oil spills.  If you're looking for a great place to live, try Seattle, try Portland.  Las Vegas has really low housing prices right now.  So does Florida.  Consider Baghdad.  Fresno.  Even Sarah fled to Arizona when she had the chance. 

I don't know which Chamber of Commerce type paid Business Week to rank Anchorage so high (or at all) but, trust me, strings were pulled, hard. 

But I have an option if your friends tease you about not ever having cruised to Alaska and those state paid ads encouraging you to visit are making you feel unhip.  I've started a project to allow you to 'visit' Alaska without leaving home.

My program lets you send us the cost of your cruise and land tours plus $300 a day for shopping without having to really come here. An added benefit is knowing that the money stays in Alaska instead of all going to Outside businesses that exploit us like a colony.  And you don't have to suffer a trip to Alaska.  You can spend the time incognito at a spa in Palm Springs while your friends think you're cruising Alaska.

We'll send post cards from Alaska to all your friends, and for a slight extra charge, we can even superimpose your parka'd image onto videos of glaciers, on dog sleds, fighting off giant mosquitoes, snagged in fishing line, swimming with breaching whales, panning for gold.  

So, remember the adage not to read everything you believe.  And don't even think about moving to Alaska, America's Best City to Avoid.


  1. Thanks for that! What a great way to wake up the afternoon.

  2. I'm agree with you. I was in Alaska one time and I don´t recommend it. Bears are dangerous, hotels are expensive, sky is grey, and Anchorage is one of the american´s tenth best cities... That's all you needed it!

  3. Mel, Always happy to give your day a lift.
    Tomás,I hope you were Spain's Alaska tourist guinea pig and you're telling everyone else to stay away. Tell them there are jobs in North Dakota.

  4. Sled dogs bark so much because they live at the end of four to five foot chains. It's been reported that Iditarod dogs who don't make the main teams are never taken off their chains. Because chaining or tethering is cruel to dogs, many jurisdictions have banned or severely restricted the practice. For more information about the cruelties of tethering, go to http://www.helpsleddogs.org/remarks-abuseinkennels.htm#chaining .


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